Boring, but Educational Post Alert

When I talk about binge eating disorder to people, they often say, “I get it I totally do that too.”  When I dig a little deeper they are really talking about emotional eating.  There is a big difference.  And, since this is a blog about my ED I probably should post a boring entry that talks about the difference.  Don’t worry, I will try to put in some personal examples b/c I like to to talk about myself and you all seem to like my level of crazy. LOL.

Before I go into the details, let me tell you that I hear you and understand when you say that you are eating for reasons other than hunger.  My guess is you would like to not do that as often as you do.  Or maybe you like it and that’s cool with me.

Emotional eating is exactly what it sounds like.  You use food to regulate your emotions: stress, boredom, loneliness, anger, sadness, etc.  People all over the world do this so please don’t feel like you are odd.  Sometimes people go to therapy for this and you know how I feel about therapy—-I LOVE THERAPY!  Addressing why you turn to food for these reasons is never a bad idea.  You won’t find that in a place that has the main goal of helping you lose weight—even though they will tell you that they can assist with your “lifestyle change.” I am taking to you: Noom, WW, Jenny Craig, TOPS (bonus points for anyone who knows what TOPS stands for! and extra credit if you knew that they had you wear a pig nose when you gained weight that week).

I digressed a bit there…….

Binge Eating is defined as eating a significant amount of food in a time period that most would not consume the same amount of said food.  See my very first post for reference.  Often during the binge, the person does not even realize what they are doing.   I know I have been in a trance like state when I was on a binge.  Often after a binge, the person is embarrassed and commits to getting back to the diet.  And, then the cycle repeats itself.  This was definitely my story.   Occasionally I would purge too.

Through therapy I learned that I was bingeing b/c I was restricting (or the other name…DIETING).  Not allowing myself to have much food through me into a binge.  When my therapist mentioned this I did not want to agree.  This was not the reason for my EMOTIONAL eating.  It was a good couple of months of her convincing me that the two were connected.  She had me stop restricting.  For a chronic dieter this was incredibly hard.  You would think someone telling me to eat what I want might bring me joy—it scared the hell out of me.  But, I was committed to therapy.

So I started having what I wanted for meals.  Imagine this: I had eggs AND toast at breakfast, not just one egg! At lunch I added mayo to my turkey sandwich! At dinner I had as much rice as I was in the mood for, not measuring out a 1/2 cup (although I do like how pretty rice is when you put it on a plate after it’s been in a measuring cup—fight me about it!).  I had snacks!   I am making this sound like a trip through a magical forest, it wasn’t.

Turns out that when you go from eating 600 cals a day (with a fucking nutritionist guiding me!) that when you eat normal, you gain weight.  This was SO VERY hard for me.  SO VERY HARD. I gained weight.  And, I sobbed about it at almost every session with my therapist.  She had told me that I would probably gain weight during this process, but that it would stop.  I needed it to stop sooner, rather than later.  She also told me that the weight my body stopped at would probably be different than what I wanted it to be.  I have come to terms with it though.  I will def post more on that topic b/c there is a lot to tell.

Here’s what you should know:  I am bigger than when I started therapy and for the most part I am okay with it and on the days I am not, I know how to manage it in my head. I still emotional eat once in awhile. I do NOT binge any longer—-WOW, right?

 

 

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